The hidden ugliness within

Just take a quick glance at the comments section on any online article, blog, Facebook post or Twitter feed and the festering sore of trolling and blatant meanness becomes very apparent. People are the worst! And, they can also be the best judging by the number of strangers that come to the defense of those being attacked online. Take that nasty people! But, alas, it doesn’t keep the mean ones from spewing hatefulness or causing emotional pain to those being targeted.

And…what’s the point of posting nasty comments online? What’s the payoff received from hacking away at a stranger’s patience until they blow up and fight back? It’s just that. Mr. and Ms. Smug Jackass  want a response. That’s what they came for and it doesn’t matter how long they have to wait or how many vile things they have to say…getting the job done is goal #1. Isn’t it amazing how determination can be both a good and bad thing?

Why Cyber Trolls Troll

So, you’ve been blasted online by an anonymous troll?  A disgruntled ex? A former friend? Friend of a friend, dysfunctional family member, neighbor or someone you haven’t seen since junior high or…the President on Twitter? What now?

It would be so easy to just let the expletives fly and good manners be damned but the best way I put ugly behavior into perspective is to view the spewer as a damaged human being deserving of pity. Intense pity. Consider them to be like the poor kid in middle school with a bugger hanging out of their nose. Are you the, “Ha! Ha!” or “politely look the other way” sort? Don’t acknowledge their booger and eventually it will fall out on its own…and hopefully they will swallow it! Chant with me. Swallow it! Swallow it!! Swallow it!!! And, if that doesn’t work then consider them to be like a dirt covered, squished piece of discarded chewing gum. Gross to look at and of no redeeming value so you move on by, careful not to get any stuck on the bottom of your shoes. And, in the case of one particular Orange Being, like one of those convenience store hot dogs slowly spinning about on a grease-caked roller grill. They seem pretty tasty when you are drunk but once you sober up and realize what they are made of and how contaminated they may be then regret sets in!

Man, shit stirrers hate to be ignored but, and I have decades worth of experience ignoring people, it does calm a potential firestorm of nastiness if we can just learn to be the one that enlists the, and, we are moving on philosophy that miserable humans hate so much. They want you to look at them, to notice, to get angry…don’t and they WILL go away. Eventually. Oh, sure they will make a few more attempts at crawling under your skin but never fear, the power of ignoring an annoyance should never be underestimated. Give it a try. One way to brush off human rashes is to pretend you didn’t see their comment even though many other readers/followers/friends have acknowledged it. Another is to make your one and only “be gone” proclamation and let that be it. No back and forth with Mr. or Ms. Mental Wreckage because once you engage the door stays open. Close it.

Do I feel bad about being what some may erroneously claim is passive-aggressive? No, because what is passive-aggressive about strategically checking someone out of the room they sneakily tried to inhabit in my head? My head, my rules! They had no invitation to begin with so…buh-bye. The failure to acknowledge someone who has been shitty to you is a right everyone has and no one should be forced to engage with miserable people against their will. I have seen many examples of trolling comment crappers trying to turn the tables on those attempting to defend themselves online by saying, “But, aren’t you being just as intolerant as they were?” Huh? How?

Tips on responding to trolls without having to actually "respond"

Telling someone to get the hell off my cyber lawn or just ignoring them until they go away is intolerant? By that logic it would seem that everyone online is supposed to just fight and fight until it’s all ruined for everyone and the free exchange of ideas and cute stories disappear in deference for vile rhetoric and conspiracy theories. Assholes are not the boss of me! And assholes that try to use some twisted logic to put others in their supposed place really have no power with me. If anything, I get great delight from ignoring them, a kind of psychological, cold-shoulder zeal if you will. Thanks! That felt good!!

I agree that there are times when the turd in the punch bowl can’t be ignored but baiting cyber trolls can be avoided and in order to tolerate something you kind of have to acknowledge its right to exist. If no acknowledgement is received after a while they will slink away because being shitty just for the sake of being shitty receives no gold stars in my world. It’s neither legally nor socially acceptable to walk into someone’s home, uninvited, to take a shit on their kitchen floor. And, giving out uninvited snide, hateful and baiting comments on a personal blog or social media account is the same thing.

Be careful where you shit cyber trolls, sometimes you don’t always cover your tracks and the stench is easy to follow back to the one who dealt it.


© 2016-2017 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property
of others deserve a swift donkey kick in the crotch

Don't steal my stuff!

I wish you well, I wish you peace

A very difficult chapter in my life has come to a close. Actually, it has been more like a sad coming of age tale mixed with a psychological thriller that borrowed more heavily on the psychological torment and less on the “thriller” part. None of it was remotely thrilling. Challenging?  Yes. Frustrating and painful? Double yes.  Everyone has elements of that in their lives right? That’s what I tell myself now because it helps remove the sting a bit and it also releases me from a potential pity party. Others have had it much, much worse so I refuse to bemoan the “what was” parts of my past and now, prefer to address them head-on, embrace and then release them into the wild unknown to be cataloged and filed by whomever or whatever greets us when we depart this world. 

Yes, by depart I do mean that this is about death. And, it’s also about letting go of the living.

Life is most difficult for those who choose to make it so and for a long time I allowed people into my life who both reveled in being difficult and raged passionately against the label at the same time. No one can successfully have it both ways so my biggest struggle was knowing when certain behaviors were personal and which were triggered out of habit or because of some personal childhood trauma of their own. Of course, there were times when it ALL felt very personal to me and little chunks of my identity would crumble away after each run-in and despite knowing better I internalized a lot of negativity and lashed out in return. I regret this very much and feel genuine pain knowing I am stuck with this knowledge.  And, now I will never get an explanation or even a clumsy attempt at an apology. 

Not that I expected one but it is chilling to know that option is absolutely gone in one instance. Final. Done. There will also never be an opportunity to apologize for my part in that particular dramatic life-play, cast with tremendously flawed characters, which had an impressive 20 year run in my head. The other difficult portion of my past...requires no apology from me, ever.  I understand that I'm being vague about who the main characters in these long playing dirges are, aside from myself but, this is purposeful and done in a purely thoughtful manner. It does no good to speak further ill of the dead or the banished and this act of voicing feelings surrounding such a passing/banishment is less about the actual people and more about me, the time I wasted dwelling on them and more about the collateral damage that was left in our respective wakes. That is another chilling realization. It’s also a feeling I never want my loved ones to have after I draw my final breath. Ever.

So, when I say that I wish a former adversary well, I mean that. Once I was out of the relational loop and away from their day-to-day orbit I worked hard to release the anger and the blame. For the most part I succeeded with this, with a few setbacks here and there, but I was able to let the vast majority of the pain go. I also recognized that the reason I could do this was because I no longer had to physically be around them anymore. That helped but it also let me off the hook too easily.

And, when I say I was “let off the hook” I mean I was no longer forced to have a conversation, antagonistic or not, with my foes and therefore I was also no longer forced to dig deep for the honest and raw emotion behind the animosity. Simply put, no more work was being done toward reaching any sort of resolution because I was no longer legally part of one person’s family anymore and, in the case of walking away from certain blood ties, I was also no longer obligated to pretend anymore. The latter was liberating but also initially confusing since those I walked away from had no idea why. In my mind I thought they should KNOW why but the actual words were never spoken out loud. Does it even matter? Most likely not because I can envision the automatic denials so, I concede to acceptance and keep moving forward. I know I will be judged harshly for it but, that's okay. I will weather the storm.

Divorce and/or estrangement is never really final if the issues that led up to making such a decision are not addressed and even though I thoroughly worked out my reasons for divorcing my ex-husband and moved on with a clear conscience I did not have my final say with his family. Is that even a thing on the in-laws front? I was never sure if I even had the right so I let it slide for years. And now, my say will remain unsaid, which is okay because I doubt it would have really shifted any paradigms, but I will always wonder. Could I have changed the final days of a person that taught me, mainly, to always be suspicious of the true intentions and unscrupulous motives of everyone? 

Doubt is a long lasting cancer that eats away at the soul. I want to put an end to the feast. There is no longer a need to feel anger, regret or even shame over either dysfunctional side. That is all done. It’s over. The end has come and now is the time to gather up my coat and make my way to the exit to walk into the light. I am free. The sky is wide open and now my obligation is to live…and I will, arms held high, eyes wide open and heart no longer weighed down. Free!


© 2016-2017 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property
of  others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off
writer well versed in street fighting.


In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

The Grand Art of Letting Go...

Or...knowing when to forgive because holding on to anger is killing you.  I like that title better even though it chaps my ass a bit to type it out.

Oh, how the past has a bad habit of reaching up and biting you right in the backside just when you thought it was dealt with and done. It's never done. Especially when new players choose those old familiar game pieces, the ones you used to play, and stir up the old demons.

For those few of you that read my ramblings you will note that I strive to remain vague and uncommitted to who or whom it is I am actually talking about but for this past-life review I will try to be specific. Without specificity there can be no definite conclusion but sometimes...it's just not wise. No tell alls, just trying to tell it, the best way I can.


© 2016-2017 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property
of  others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off
writer well versed in street fighting.

In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!